Your Attitude.

I know you must get tired of me always doing blogs on marriage. However, my reasoning for this is so I give you little tidbits of information. Especially, for those that can't afford to get help for their marriage. So, here we go.

The topic today is Attitude in our marriage. This is not going to be a great bit of information, but it will just be something you can reference to when having a hard time.

Let's begin.

I'm going to tell a story that will give you an example of what I mean by how your attitude is everything here.

Many years ago, I was without a car. I didn't work, so my husband took the car. I would stay home all day and clean the house and not really go too many places unless I took him to work. This lasted for a long time, a few months. Well, I got so tired of staying home cleaning the house because he would come home and do nothing. Shoes would come off mid-floor, and clothes would be beside the laundry hamper, not in it. Dishes would sit on the table or the counter if he got up in the middle of the night to have a midnight snack. That was so infuriating to me. I felt like a maid. Finally, I had a discussion with him about how I was feeling. I'm sorry, I must correct myself. It started out as a discussion. Then during the heat of the moment, we both said things that were not right to say to your spouse. He said things to me that were unkind, as well. I started to cry and after a few years of this, told him I could not do this anymore. Something had to change. We went to counseling. We both kept saying how it was each other's fault and not our own. "He's making me feel like a maid!" I said. "Well she doesn’t work, so that is her job!" He said. We were blaming each other constantly. Even before the counseling, during our bickering, we would blame one another. That is NOT okay! It didn't solve anything. Really, it didn't. It actually made things worse because a year or so after, he filed for divorce. Anyway, that's beside the point. After reading a devotional on one of my Bible study plans, I started to wonder how my attitude has reflected on my marriage.

We both had our faults, as I always say- both spouses are guilty in MOST problems, it’s not just one. But, I was not treating him with respect. I was not taking into consideration that he was tired from his job. I just knew how I felt, and what I felt meant more to me than how he felt. Now he'll admit that he felt the same way with me. He wished he could stay home a lot of days, but he couldn’t. I got to stay home all day, and then I would nag him about doing house chores, or helping me somehow. All he wanted to do was lay in the recliner and watch some numb minding television. I was jealous that he got to stay away from home because I was there all the time. But, we never voiced that to each other! We would just yell, and scream at each other because that's what we did. That's how our marriage was. It was normal for us...until we went to counseling.

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During the counseling session, I would cry so much because I just felt alone. I was married to a wonderful man, but I felt alone. He didn't know that, because he felt alone, too. We were just going through the motions of marriage because we liked each other's company some days. We were best friends. We played video games, went to the gun range, went fishing, hunting, all that jazz. But, our marital relationship was crap. Don't get me wrong, we had more good times than bad- but when it was bad, it was BAD. Things weren't going to get better unless we looked at each other differently. I had love for him, but I didn't have respect. He had like for me, not love.

We got married so early that we never really understood what a relationship would bring. I had known him for years, but he was always gone. I didn't hang out with him at school because he was older. He didn't even know I existed until he seen me one day while bringing my sister home from school. Anyway... to the point. Our relationship was doomed. We were disappointed at each other, and we disliked each other to be honest with you. We had such distorted thoughts, and expectations how marriage should be. I'm from a divorced family, so I thought the yelling and screaming was normal. He is from a very nice family, but he had built up a lot of anger through the years. We didn't have any intimacy in our marriage either. That can play a huge roll on both parts. Both men, and women need that. It makes them both feel wanted, and sexy.

Fast forward to 2013, and if you are one of my followers you will have heard this before, he cheated on me and I wanted to leave... so badly I wanted to leave. But, as I was crying out to God, I didn't know what to do. I knew I was with my husband for a reason, I didn't want to disappoint him, mostly I didn't want to disappoint God. I felt stuck, and torn between what I wanted to do and what God wanted me to do. I had an epiphany a couple days later. I was supposed to stay, because my husband was hurting. He was hurting from something bigger than me. I didn't understand it, but I was supposed to be there for him. Here it is in 2017, and we're the happiest we have ever been. We are literally in love with each other. We fight maybe once a month, and then apologize and love each other even more afterwards. Having a good marriage is a choice. You have to make the choice.

Forget the expectations of what marriage is supposed to be, forget the he said/she said nonsense, forget all of it! This is your marriage! You two are the only ones that can make your marriage work. It takes time, devotion, the right ATTITUDE, and love. No one can fix this but you two. If you need help, that's great. Go to a Marriage & Family Therapist. However, even if you go to a therapist, you will still have to put in the leg work to make the marriage last! They don't have a magic wand to zap your marriage back into health. Even if they did, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't do it because you wouldn’t learn anything.

My main point is this...

Love. Forgive. Laugh. Play. Talk. Cry. Patience.

If you practice these things listed above, it will help your attitude get better, and more than likely, your marriage.

I keep stressing on the expectations that we come into marriage with, and it's because I know all about it. Don't have any expectations. This is not everyone else's marriage. It is you and your husbands. Or, you and your wife's.

If you have anything you'd like me to talk about in my post next week, let me know via the contact tab.

Remember, you are all beautiful. Show others respect, and kindness.