I don't know what to say, so I'm just gonna wing it...

Okay, so I know I'm horrible.

I have been working my butt off trying to do school, my photography career, manage a family, and keep up with my fans. I know not writing to you guys for 2.5 months is not okay. I don't have any words to express my gratitude to all of you who are still with me, checking back to see if I'm still alive and kicking.

So much has happened, and I will just sum it all up in here so you know what has been happening in my life. I'm going to keep it real for you, okay. Bare with me, because it's not so easy being in the spotlight and being so vulnerable.

Ready, here goes...

In September, the latter part of September that is, I was overwhelmed with stress from working at the RV park I mentioned. Then, that stress led to marital stress, and so on and so forth. My health ended up taking a turn on me, so I had to readjust. My husband ended up going back to East Texas where we are from, and staying there for a bit. It helped me figure out what I needed to do with my life, our marriage, ect. He wasn't working, and my money was not getting us by so well. I don't make much from my photography, it's getting there, but it's still not much. I was worried that my marriage was over and it may have been my fault.

Beginning of October, I decided to quit working at the RV Park because my employees never understood that I needed time off. I was literally working 24/7. I didn't have any time for me. If the phone rang, I had to be there unless it was my 8 hours off every other weekend, literally. Granted, I had plenty of time for you guys and for homework but I was stretching myself already in my marriage, that I didn't have time for him in all of this. I was overdoing it, as I normally do. I had another job immediately after I quit the RV Park working for a really nice hotel in the area. It was part-time work, so it gave me money and time to do what was most important for me. I was working and working, and they asked me to be full-time for a little while, and I agreed. Going to school full time, working full time, and doing photography on my days off was no bueno. I literally had no time to sleep. I was maybe getting 4-5 hours a night, if that. My grades were suffering big time!

Fast forward to November and I still was working full-time at the hotel, even though that is not what I agreed to. I mentioned it to my supervisor that I needed to scale back some and they said okay. Well, that didn't happen. Mind you, in this time I was so overwhelmed with everything- my husband still was not able to find a job. I was the only one working trying to provide for us. Every bit of our savings was being used to provide for us as well as my lousy paycheck every two weeks. While calling home every week, I was hearing that my dad was not feeling well. I am not sure if all of you know this or not but he suffers from diabetes. Really bad. Like, he has lost toes and still has no feeling in his feet but is managing owning a business with help from my stepmom. So, on top of all of that is on me at this time, I was worried about my father. So, I did what I thought was best. I went home to East Texas, alone. Praise God that my husband had just gotten a job, so I knew I would be fine. I put all of my fuel on my credit card to get home, and it felt so good to be away from EVERYTHING. Seeing my dad was the first stop I made. I was so happy to be home. I wanted to figure out what God wanted for me. In all of this that was happening to me, I lost myself. I was so overwhelmed in everything that I lost me.

I know some of you have felt that way before. I stayed home until Thanksgiving holiday was over, and actually just got back home a week ago to be with my husband. We had conversations about how to make our marriage better, and we have been making it work. So, I don't have 3 jobs anymore. I have 2. School, and you guys. I am loving it. I am not so stressed every day, and I am being the wife that my husband needs.

Communication is key, guys. Seriously. If we had been communicating with one another on how each of us felt, I would not have gotten so overwhelmed and wanted to give up on everything and everyone. Life is not about working yourself into the ground, and dying. It's about living! Making a wonderful story on the way, and not just focusing on the destination. Through all of this, it never came to my mind why my husband was so depressed. I never asked him. Well, after we talked through all of these things, he told me that he wanted to give up as well because he was not being the husband that I needed and he see it on a daily basis when I would come home tired then having to do homework and just be exhausted every day. I never knew that was how he felt. I just figured he wanted "me time" and was going to get a job later on. That wasn't the case. So, he has been working now for about 2 weeks and has been so supportive of me. We talk out things now, instead of keep them bottled up. We pray together, and spend time together before he goes to work. I have finally brought my grades up to A's & B's and I am comfortable about the end of this semester. I am supposed to graduate with my Bachelor's sometime next month. Boy, am I excited or what! I still have at least 3 more years to go though before I get my doctorate but hey, who's counting!? ;)

Well, that's it. That's every single thing that has happened in the last few months, and my reason for not posting to keep up with you guys. My sincere apologies go out to all of you, I am truly sorry.

Since things are better, I will be posting 2x a week. One day I'll post a recipe, and the other I will do an actual post. I really enjoy sharing my recipes with you guys. I'm sure you like it too!